Failure

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Punishment is absolutely necessary. Given the circumstances, reinforcement no longer suffices. There is nothing to celebrate. Anything less than perfect is a failure. Therefore I am a failure. 44 out of 45 is simply not good enough. I am deeply hurt. Doesn't matter how many people I beat. Doesn't matter what others got. It's all about me because I am a selfish, narcissistic bitch. This is worth nothing. Slightly off tangent and therefore it is worth nothing.

Punishment is required. Less allowances, more restrictions should do the trick. Life is governed by rules that must be followed. Now we must tighten the rules; bind the limbs and thoughts. This is anger. This is disappointment. And all this must be channelled into making myself even better than before. This is a hard life and harsh predilections but they are necessary. So is pain.

Punishment is the vital, fundamental base for all forms of learning. This is what I believe and so this is what I will practise. It was possible. It was probable. It was expected. It was not attained. Rigorous asceticism should subsequently follow. It is necessary. I know no other way.