Please

i peel this skin
off
like wax
paper thin
gloss
from my back
fingers scrabbling
at the gold
on my neck
get it off
away
done
gone

no

tighten the strings
pour the pain on me
all over my body
wrapping me once more
in a cocoon
tight skin.

1639
250608











Demain, c'est l'anniversaire de Film. Ce soir, je vais au Gurney pour l'acheter un cadeau - peut etre le chocolat? Je ne sais pais. Hier soir j'ai conduis au Queensbay et j'ai achete deux pantalons, deux echarpes, un pull... Je n'ai pas d'argent!!!!

Ok lazy to continue in French and besides no one would understand besides Jing Min, Panit, and probably Amy.

Today at school did nothing much as usual. A bit upset because TOK Essay apparently not worthy of getting A grade. So I edited it but nothing I do seems to make it okay. Stupid ish bla hell. It's so hot today so I don't think I can do 8 km. I should though. I did only 6 km yesterday and it was incredibly slow. The wind keeps pushing me backwards.

In Math Wei Yun showed her masterpiece to Mr. Webster and he found it funny I think. Anyway he read us a couple of not-so-funny math jokes half of which I did not understand but I had to laugh anyway (ego). And we were let out early for lunch apparently because I said I wanted to go for lunch?? I said nothing of the sort. I merely packed my bag. I wonder what Mr. Webster is getting at. Did I mention that he writes so very poetically? His comments were the most honest I feel in my report.

By the way, I have a lovely report. My father said it's unreal. HA. HA.

I also arm wrestled with Anil today. Darren has it on his phone. Darren please upload for me thank you. Tis an amusing video. Anil is relaxing in his chair while I am going red in the face from exertion. That sounds wrong.

Should I go to the school disco? I have a feeling it will be rather pathetic, with bad music, drinks and food which I will not drink nor eat. I might however go for the company. But then again I have already promised my DARLING 8-) Kit, adorable Sammie and gorgeous Christine that I shall go with them to watch Made of Honour. I forget whether it's at Gurney or Queens.

Tomorrow is non-uniform day. I was thinking of wearing my super huge white skirt with gold embroidery + teal peasant top I bought in K.L. Unsure. It's a bit dressy. I might have to wear that for the disco instead. WE SHALL SEE, WE SHALL SEE.

- Wasted too much time blogging. I should be looking for quotes to help Johan with his World Lit. piece. See you guys later. By the way my wonderful handsome muscle machine won first round of Wimbledon easily.. with 17 aces he stunned everyone. But I fell asleep halfway during the match. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Never mind there's lots more of him to come *BIG GRIN*


















I look at * smile
and it catches me all over again
(I think)

Hmm

in this winter room
i think i finally understand
the language of loneliness
like being wrapped
in a strange mother's womb
born to an unknown land

estranged.

as i part the curtains
so moist from morning dew
heavy with yesterday's sorrows;
and pregnant with tomorrow's

i cry like a baby

(i am)

1226
220608







the lines on your palm
are traces of the life
you'd led.
the life i wished i had

(but did not)

tell me,
how you dance through
the light
that filters through
motes of dust and alights,
so gently on you.
my precious butterfly.
your fingers so
soft like

( )

fluttering wings against
my cool skin.

may i dance
with your fading shadow?
me, living breathing flesh,
and you -
lifeless silhouette;
yet so warm to my heart.

1246
220608

HAH.

This Saturday got some MAth Olympiad quiz in the morning
Afternoon got state award from Penang

Then suddenly received this in the mail:

Frank Saing Langai. Bangunan Shell Malaysia

Head Corporate Affairs Jalan Semantan, Damansara Heights

Shell Malaysia Trading Sdn Bhd (6087-M) 50723 Kuala Lumpur

Tel: 603 2091 2107

Fax: 603 2091 2990

Cik Sarah binti Sulaiman Ch’ng

(Address cannot be posted) :P

19/6/2008

Cik Sarah,

INVITATION FOR THE 2008 HADIAH CEMERLANG & BIASISWA SHELL MALAYSIA - AWARD PRESENTATION CEREMONY

We refer to the above matter.

First and foremost, our heartfelt Tahniah to you. We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a recipient of the Hadiah Cemerlang Shell Malaysia for 2008. It is our pleasure to invite you to receive the award at the above ceremony.

For your information, Hadiah Cemerlang Shell Malaysia is a once-off award initiated by the Company, with support from the Schools Division of the Education Ministry, to recognise and reward five most outstanding schools in PMR, 20 outstanding students in SPM and another five students in STPM examinations. This ‘Hadiah Cemerlang’ is awarded to students who are not Shell Malaysia scholarship holders.

The Scholarship as you may have already known, is part of the Company’s contribution to society in sponsoring needy high achievers for their tertiary education.

Both initiatives are Shell Malaysia’s active contribution to value high achievers in our society and we are honoured to invite you, accompanied by a parent or guardian to attend the ceremony on
Monday, 23 June at the Ballroom, 9^th Floor, The Legend Hotel, 100 Putra PL.
Jln. Putra, 50350 Kuala Lumpur.

The ceremony will be graced by Yang Berbahagia Dato’ Mohzani Wahab, Managing Director Shell Malaysia Trading Sdn Bhd..

I AM AMUSED

First CAS day

Halo
everyone's in Thailand
Well, some of us are back here
Helped out at Kawan today
Making food etc.
Sweaty hot and smelly
Yum

Then in the afternoon went to Starbucks with Rahael and Aly
commenced to Queensbay to shop for nothing in particular yet came back with a lot of stuff
Oh
I fell down this morning
Scraped knee on gravel, little pebbles and dirt are now embedded under the skin on my knee and palm and cannot come out
part of the skin has turned grey because no blood circulation, i.e. its dead but hanging there and too painful to pull off, the congealed blood has stuck a whole lump of skin, flesh and dirt together. The best thing was that I fell down after only 2 km so I had to run for another 4km with a gaping hole in my pants and skin flapping against my knee. Excellent.

For your benefit:

Today

So today was.. the same as all Fridays. Embarassing because during P.E. I do nonsense. I can't even kick the football properly! Everyone must be having a good damn laugh at my non-existent skills. Sorry guys. Running is about the only sport I can do. And it's not even fast.

This week ran shit little mileage. I really need to up up up the kms, 26km run in August and I really want to do that. Well. Not some hobbling, pathetic end but a strong finish. :( don't know whether I can do it.

Dr. D. made me feel a little better. I had a mentor meeting with him today before school (made me late for duty, whoops!) and he said really nice things to me. He said he wrote in my report that I am the perfect IB student. I find that amusing because I am so bloody flawed, how can I be the perfect IB student? And we were just talking about TOK, CAS, how I'm getting along. He said he's impressed. And oh you know for Mr. Walton's report, because last term he wrote "Sarah is making excellent progress" and this term he wrote "Sarah is doing very well", before I even said anything he said "Whoops Sarah I know you will be paranoid that I wrote very well and not excellent.." So he added another excellent with a smiley face which I thought was so cute.. Dr. D. laughed and said he wanted to outdo Mr. Walton's English so he said "Is outstanding better than excellent?" Lmao. So at least I laughed quite a bit today.

Wei Yun's having a party but I need to help out around the house a bit since Kakak went home for a while to see her son. So I only might be able to go but much later. Depends. Hope they're all having fun. Knowing Wei Yun, they probably are. They'd better be thinking of me! Lol..

Nothing much happened today...

....Well, besides little things which you guys should not know about.

<3

G'bye!

This shall have no title

Today wasn't such a good day but I am never satisfied with my days anymore. You know I wish it was so easy just to be content and happy and go like "Oh yeah I'm fine with it" and really mean what you say cos I mean half the people who say things don't mean what they say.

And I don't know what happened when I was running, my body felt so sick of everything and I couldn't even finish a measly 4km and I was so pissed and I came back and punched the wall again.

Hello sore knuckles.

I need anger and stress management issues.

Something really scary happened with Jing Min. I am really scared but I don't want to talk about it here in case something even worse happens. She may blog about it but if she doesn't then people you will just have to remain in suspense. SCAREDSCAREDSCARED

So I made myself a huge cup of French roast which I can't even finish now, people find it amazing how I can drink such bitter coffee. It is an acquired taste people. Once you like it though you can never stop. Just like everything else you like. You're caught. You're drawn to it. I have a person/thing in mind. Shall not say who/what. Stupid. I'm not good enough. Never good enough.

This is such a bloody insecure post that reveals all my useless insecurity which does me no good at all

I haven't even written a God damn poem for days

Stupid
Stupid
Stupid





On the wrist,
a string that
tightened amidst
the other parts
of my
armshandsfeet,
constricting the pulsing life
that beat. (steadily.)
from within.
blue lines running
so fast along
the skin
my eyes see nothing
that is wrong

except

this feeling
for you

I want to


( )

System Shut Down

Disappointment




























I don't wanna talk about it

C'est moi encore

One has just discovered that one is able to change font colour and size by clicking on the Compose tab next to Edit HTML. Considering that one has been blogging for quite a long time, one thinks this displays a rather large amount of stupidity in one's demented brain.
One also knows that one should be extremely grateful for one's Maths marks but one is still unsatisfied. Et pourqoui? Parce que on est trés imbécile. C'est 75. Je ne suis pas heureuse. Je ne suis jamais heureuse. On doit à commencer être heureuse! Damn it.
Overall, am rather pleased with marks (besides Math)
Le français: 7 (89%)
La chimie: 7 (88%)
La biologie: 7 (90%)
Psych (too lazy to look for the French word although I think it might be psychologie, unsure): 7 (88%)

... which leaves English. And recalling what Mr. Walton stated at the beginning of the year, "Many people miss out on that 42 because of English...."
Thanks Mr. Walton! -_- You know just before the English test when we were all waiting for the time to start, he came up to me and he was like "Oh, I'm just going to go for a coffee.. Have fun!"
HAH. Way to make someone feel better. But actually he did. Because he's super humourous and funny and he's just the absolute best teacher in the world.

So for now, I guess I must be satisfied.

My maid's son is in ICU because he was having fits and after a brain scan they said he has a blood clot. Poor kakak. She's going around holding his picture to her chest and moaning. Rather morbid but as a mother I guess it's understandable. I don't know.

It's raining really heavily outside now. I don't really mind because I'm not running today. Shall skip and do weights. Yum. 350 x 8, then squats, some bicep curls and hammers etc.

I have a feeling I won't be able to post this until later because the Internet connection has died down on me. And I happened to have been signed into MSN, after many excruciating days.

I have never felt so idle in my life. I actually read a whole book in one day. A story book! My first in so long. Double yum. It's called Hacking Harvard and it's about how 3 math prodigies formulate a master plan to get some super dumb kid into Harvard by hacking the system. And then this super high-achiever, all-rounder girl gets involved etc. Very nice. Some bits are just so funny that I burst out laughing all by myself and my cat thinks I'm weird. Hell everyone thinks I'm weird. Even I think I'm weird. Je me ne comprend pas. (I don't understand me).

Summer holidays coming up. 26km run on 20th August, might take part in that since they have decided to cancel the damn bridge run due to "lack of funds" which is probably bullshit according the sports officials I overheard at USM when Uplands was hosting the FOBBISEA games. I want to do at least half a marathon before I turn 18, which is pretty soon.

By the way recently I think I have revealed my inner mind to someone and he knows a bit too much so from now on I am going to shut my stupid mouth.

Getting frustrated with parents because still unallowed to drive.

Sarah quite likey Sarah at the moment but there remains much to be improved.


(P.S.: Still working on the poem.... Have yet to start it.)

C'est moi

Hello..
Ok so exams finally over
And yet the anxiety's still there
(G.O.P. I think only Wei Yun and Mr. Walton oh and Darren as well will understand this.)

Nadal trashed Federer with an impeccable score of 6-1 6-3 6-0. He even apologised to Federer during the prize-giving ceremony. Such is his wonderful courteous attitude.

1. I am very pissed as in angry not drunk at MSN which should be sued for it's useless service, cannot even bloody connect properly.
2. Today I ran 8km then cycled 10km right after. Took 35 mins plus for 8km which is not bad considering it's less than 4mins30secs per km. Ha.. Shall attempt to shorten it.
3. My resting pulse is 47
4. I should be doing my EE or my TOK essay but something is compelling me not to... (..id?) Crazy Freud is destroying my brain.
5. Singing at the top of my lungs - You Remind Me by Nickelback. This is the first time I have listened to music in 3 weeks.
6. This week will either be very good or very bad
7. I'm scared
8. Sarah wants _______
9. Meow
10. :(
11. I want abs
12. A lot of them not just one sticky outy one
13. I like to move it move it
14. I'm already out of words

I wish I had something interesting to say. Thing is people, I'm not a very interesting person. Who agrees say I!

Shall try to write a poem yes? Yes.

Back for 5 minutes

Ok hello real world. I can finally take a (short) break then it's back to autopilot

PREMIEREMENT, JE DETESTE L'EXAMEN DU MATEMATIQUE
Stupid bloody exam
I tore my nail and thus there was BLOOD on the paper
I also made very careless mistakes
BLOODY ones in fact
When those would have helped my obviously low-level performance
Even Mr. Webster was like "I thought it was a different person who did the exam"
I agree
I wasn't myself
I really don't know what happened
It's the first time I have ever felt panic during an exam
Like heart palpitations and all that
-_-
It's weird you know
Feeling scared before/during/after an exam.
I left like tons of spaces and during the course of the other exams I kept dreaming of blank pages in my Math exam
Which obviously caused detrimental effects to the rest of my papers
And thus I am doomed to failure

C'est affreux.
:(

OK I wasted this whole damn afternoon and at the looks of it I'll waste the whole night and tomorrow as well
NADAL PLAYING SEMIS AGAINST THE DJOKER TOMORROW
Djoker is such an arrogant toot. =)


http://www.viddler.com/explore/VamosBrigade/videos/120/

WATCH!
7+ minutes of your life well spent ;)