Mon anniversaire!

YAYY I'm 18 :D
But really, does it make a difference? I am the same person. And the whole concept of birthdays is rather.. overrated, no? Why can't the day I became a life be counted as more important? Birthdays are just.. when someone comes into the world, but we're kicking and breathing long before that.
Anyway enough of my jargon

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR TODAY <3 ME LOVE. A LOT. You guys mean so much to me and I'd be empty and alone and horrible without all of you.

Your presence, hugs, gifts and cards were absolutely lovely.




P.S.: To anyone who's thinking of watching Zohan, don't.

Today

My naivity astounds me

Conversations

Are you not afraid of me, little one?
As I rush at you, imposing:
Yet you gaze at me, imploring,
Your big, bright round eyes
So innocent and clear.
So untouched by the solemnity
That resides in the adult heart.
You are blessed because of your innocence,
Once you know what it is like to be human,
The more questions bring the more ignorance.
Child, in your heart,
You possess a form of transcendence
That I have lost in adulthood
And I continue to flounder,
Not knowing what is right or wrong.
Connections; severed.
Reverence, broken.
Am I coming to a sharp turn in the bend
Or a dead end?
Perhaps in the clarity of your eyes,
So sure of the security of your safe world,
I will find the answer.

1842 240808



Feet blur on gravel. I know the sounds of each house, the sight of each old man pruning the grass. I recognise the same song being played on the piano, it does not do Beethoven justice. I smell fat frying in a pan, the sizzle of flames. Why do I turn corners so fast? Where is all this anger coming from? Why is it every time I open my mouth what comes out is a scream? How do I articulate this perpetual feeling that burns searingly in my head?
8 minute mark. I turn the same corner. I see the same fence, the same coloured gate. In a world of such familiar things, where is the Thing that should be most familiar? I have lost It. I used to see it in flowers, in the salmon pink of sunset, as I lowered my head in prayer. Now I walk with my head held high, and when it touches the ground it is the world I am thinking of.
Wind flies through my hair. Is this is a sin? Can I tell you all my hopes and fears? Will you answer me? Please answer me. I feel so scared. Hold my heart in Your hand. I am forever Yours.

Sunday

1. Kinda pissed cos' I wanted to complete at least a 21 km run before I turned 18 and I still haven't done that. I have 6 days left and school's starting so I don't think I'll be able to do it. Missed my chance and now I have to live with it. :( Saddddddddddddddd. Not used to not doing what I plan.
2. This week's mileage was 53km which is ... sufficiently okay but it was spread out over one whole week. People run that in a span of a day. Makes me feel so damn inadequate.
3. __________ at _________ and _________
4. Need to do work :(
5. Not doing work :( :(
6. I love Life Breath by Prana.. Been listening to it over and over again. Right after I wake up and right before I go to bed.
7. Un tatou: An armadillo.
8. Yesterday forgot to mention that I received an extremely lovely birthday card from Amy Lee the wonderful devilish jewellery-making sexy missus. LOL thank you darling.
9. Review Exercise 30 yet to be done.
10. EE yet to be polished. Right now it's just fking drivel.
11. Bio yet to be read (PCR etc.)
12. Chem yet to be understood (chemical, acid-base and redox equilibria)
13. French vocabulary yet to be memorised
14. Psychology yet to be revised.
15. US Open starting tomorrow. Nadal-crazed nights recommence.

Saturday

Hello
Morning run.
Tutoring at CPS.
Scrapbooking at Smidapaper.
Starbucks (Americano).
Watched/watching Olympics.





What I should be doing:
Math/French/Chem/Bio practice
English chapter by chapter commentary for Grapes of Wrath
Psychology revision

What I did not do:
Everything I should have

Pulling at



hurting

what's mine


I


CAN'T


stop

.

HBT
RISH, EAH, IL.
BYAY, HMFI
AL.

FK.

FKING PISSED

OLYMPIC CHAMPION!

HE WONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Special Birthday Post

To: ALY

Happy Birthday wonderful wonderful wonderful person who is super damn strong internally (I think externally I got more muscles kua) and has a really determined spirit when facing anything thrown at her. I love you so so so much you don't know how much! Being friends with you is beautifulamazingperfect. Throughout the years we've known each other, we have both grown and learnt so much about life, love, friends. Thank you so much for supporting me throughout everything, all my nonsense and crazy shit and I love your mum as well she's so awesome. You are really understanding and you make me believe in myself. You really have no idea how much I appreciate it my dear girl. I love talking with you on the phone, those random, occasional 1 hour chats when both of us feel lonely. I love laughing with you about all sorts of stupid nonsense which doesn't make sense (By the way your laughing stamina is better than my running stamina... 2 full periods of Science non-stop laughing about nothing at all, damn chun la). Our friendship has been, is and will be really special because nothing can ever measure up to all the experiences and memories we've shared. I feel sad because we're not in our little group at the back of 5 Akik where I always cannot see anything cos' Jiun Mei is so freaking tall and blocks me all the time by waving her hands like a siao cha boh. I miss the moments when you and Jiun Mei cannot stop talking and I get so irritated then you all kacau me by imitating my face. I miss being Mak Janggut. I miss sitting down with you guys during recess, you and your transparent Tupperware with the pink cover and something always freshly baked from home. I miss walking with you aimlessly in school when we don't feel like staying in class and just needed to get out. I miss being cute. I miss being able to say I'm cute and not care what anyone else thinks cos' you guys are so used to me being so damn freaking perasan 24/7. I miss complaining about teachers with you all. I miss sitting with you in the lab where I always see your perfectly wrapped books with your Pilot gel pens and the writing so neat and nice compared to mine comot everywhere, buku tak jaga, purposely go tear textbook pages, bla bla bla. You're such an amazing individual and I know I've said it countless times but it really is so great being your friend because you are one of the few who accepts me and knows me inside out and realises what I really am like. Thank you for protecting me when I was vulnerable. Thank you for helping me up when I fell. You are beautiful, inside out, upside down, and always will be. I love you (a lot).


Love,
The damn cutest person in the world

Sunday Morning

Hello people sorry for the lapse in ranting.

Anyway
Yesterday was Saturday
So in the morning, my usual 15km.
Then bla bla bla until around 5.45 p.m.
Got ready for Disted prom thingamijica
Proms are really not my kind of thing
And I feel really guilty because
( )

But anyway
Here are some pics:










Yea....
I don't really know what else to say about it except that the MC was freaking smokinnnnnn'. But his jokes were super lame. LA. LA. LA.

NADAL IS PLAYING AT 3.30 P.M. (SCHEDULED TIME BUT MAY BE LATER). I can't wait. He's going to play Gonzalez who actually cheated during the semi-finals cos' the ball hit his racquet and went out but the umpire didn't see it and thought Blake had hit it out. Blake was furious. If Gonzalez does that to Nadal I swear I'll kill him. Nadal was like so sweet during the semi-finals: the ball hit the side of his racquet and it was a mishit cos' it went really high and no one thought it would land in so Djokovic was already walking to the other side of the court and suddenly the ball landed in the court... And Nadal apologised profusely. See he's such a gentleman. He cried when they interviewed him!!!!!!!

Here's what he's been up to off court:



So freaking adorable right??

Anyway I stink like... I really stink, period. So I'm going to go shower then get ready for RPM :D
See you laterrrrrr!

P.S: cofffeeeee

They're finally going to show the Olympics tennis! Honestly. Nadal's is fourth match on Centre Court, first one starts at 4.00 p.m. so not sure what time his will be. I'll be glued to the television anyway.
Athletics start tomorrow.
Can't wait till Sarah B gets here. POWER STRETCH WOMAN! Damn funny la. "I want to go for Freestyler!" "It's a spinning class." "Oh. Let's go for Power Stretch!"
Haze today was really bad, couldn't even see the hills.
Mum said she bought me a scrapbook album, some papers and accessories, so can't wait till she gets back on Sunday.
I only slept for 5 hours :(
and I need to do more work but I really don't know what else there is left to do.
Reading a book called The Truth about Sparrows. So far, it is really similar to the Grapes of Wrath except that's it written from a 12 year old girl's point of view. Damn boring lah.


Meow meow kitty kitty meow meow

60

Hot RafaelS

:)

Gluttony

is a sin la lema

:(

Tuesday

Perfection

I saw:

a flitting sparrow
a fallen leaf
a forlorn monkey
my feet
a white cloud
a dead pigeon
a tar road
a blade of grass
a red light
a plume of smoke
a man and a woman
a grey sky
haze

Saturday was:

6.00 a.m.: Prayers. Breakfast.
6.50 a.m.: Botanical Gardens. 16km. Niresh and a book. (Utterly ignored due to concentration on run.) Femur twinge.
9.00 a.m: Shower. Starbucks. Niresh and coffee. Lots of words. Both spoken and read (To Kill a Mockingbird.) Thoroughly entertaining conversation. Tons of information gleaned.
12.00 p.m.: Home. Lunch.
1.30 p.m.: Smidapaper. Scrap. Relax.
4.30 p.m.: Photo frame shopping with Sammie.
7.00 p.m.: Home. Dinner.
9.08 p.m.: Currently here.

Overall, satisfying day.

Thursday

I don't think there's a song more beautiful than the Subuh morning call for prayer


P.S: Niresh, you'd better not disagree with this :P

Afterthought

*has a conniving little plan*

Quotes.

"You are not thinking. You are merely being logical."
Neils Bohr, 1885-1962 to Albert Einstein

"We are never more true to ourselves than when we are inconsistent."
Oscar Wilde, 1854 - 1900

"Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world."
Arthur Schopenhauer, 1788 - 1860


And my personal favourite:

"The greatest thing a human soul ever does is to see something, and to tell what it saw in a plain way.. To see clearly is poetry, prophecy and religion - all in one."
John Ruskin, 1819 - 1900

A Question

What happens when everyday you promise yourself never to do something ever again and the next day you do it?

Fact.

Puffer fish belong to the family Tetraodontidae and are considered a great delicacy in Japan. However, their skin and several organs contain a toxin called tetrodotoxin that blocks sodium channels and prevents them from opening. (If you didn't know, sodium channels must be open to allow transmission of sodium ions into cytoplasm from outside due to the presence of an electrochemical gradient). If a person swallows this toxin, their neurones become unable to transmit action potentials, and they die.



Everything that has gentleness in it is beautified, and whatever lacks it is spoiled.

the writer should not be forced
to write,
nor the poet
to rhyme.
the dancer must dance
of her own free will;
liberated,
rather than restricted.
the singer must sing
with her heart,
and the painter has to paint
not darkness but colour;
not blackness but light.
the musician should not be bound
by the notes of his melody,
nor the sculpturer
by his lifeless statue.
the observer must look
beyond the mere art,
to even get a glimpse
of the hidden meaning,
for does the lover not
love from within?

0740
030808



as she dances,
she becomes more than a dancer.
she becomes a curve
of perfection,
supple limbs, and
outstretched hands -
embracing the sky.
her body is a work of art,
a beautiful machine
set in motion,
her movement a rhythm,
her footsteps a melody.

a tendril of hair
escapes behind her ear.
her eyes closed,
a testament of rapture.
her hip so gracefully swung
to the underlying tune
of her heart's song.

i watch her,
and i can only dream,
of ever being a dancer,

myself.

0756
030808




First one I got the first few lines in my head while I was running this morning, I started while it was really dark and I ran and rose with the sun, but I couldn't bloody see the sky burst into flame and colour because of the damned haze, so that sucked.

Then I came back and wrote the next one while I was watching the Nadal-Djokovic match which MY MAN played rather horribly (1-6, 5-7). I guess he had a lot of pressure on him since he's now number one.

(Priya thank you for the poster!!! *kisses you and it* and for everything else!)
..and guys (Jing Min, Su, Jas, Priya) - thank you for the jelly cake.. I'm happy I ate it! It's A STEP. *cheers* and I did it for you and for me too! And I was very happy. Yay! I'm glad I feel good about it. I know I'm a weird ass freako but.. any confrontation with BREAKING A RULE is met with guilt and self-condemnation.. But I felt really good about what I did, and I'm really touched you guys thought of me quite so much. (Please expect a hand-made card each quite soon :P )

As for rest of weekend, well..
Saw Prof. Amir about my bones which are marginally worse than a post-menopausal woman's. Heh. So now they want to pump me with oestrogen. No way am I going to be bloody pumped with oestrogen! Did you know that there was this dude who started growing tits and they did some research and realised that it was because he'd been eating a lot of chicken neck (they inject oestrogen into chicken neck). And I don't want my tits to grow any larger, thank you very much.

Today is a bloody lazy day. Danny planned for me, him and his gf (who is taller than his short ass btw) to go play badminton but he being a lazy bum decided not to go. He also said that The Mummy is "no sucking good shit" which I did not comprehend and thus did not bother to reply.

Currently reading: Khaled Hosseini - A Thousand Splendid Suns

Je m'ennuie. Ugh.