Hi again

Hi again. I'm really bored and have successfully stuffed myself even more. My weight fluctuates about 4 kg daily after I shit in the morning and before I go to bed. Lol. Wonderful innit. We all need a little variety in life.

Anyway, just finished making a card for Priya and I must say it looks freaking awesome. Felt kinda sad when I was making it though. Based on what I wrote. Sad in a good way. Sadness is good sometimes. But not all the time. Which is kinda how I feel.

NADAL is playing in Cincinnati and his match is around 7.00p.m. their time so that will be 7.00 a.m. tomorrow morning. He's coming in November by the way, and Sarah B is coming along with me. I can't bloody wait. If it clashes with the stupid London/Paris holiday which I DON'T BLOODY WANT TO GO ON (Stupid parents) I am going to murder. M-U-R-D-E-R. (Yeah I can spell it.) So I shall be a little (maybe not so) tudung-ed girl screaming like a fucking maniac in the crowd. I want to get the absolute best seats. I'll sit on the Agong if I have to. No wait I won't. I'll squish him. He is a tiny man.

So right now with lack of better things to do I have decided to post nonsensical blah blah.

Question of the day (to Sarah B): Do you like humping?

I Want to be a Sheep

I would really love to be a sheep. Sheep are so fluffy and content. They look like happy clouds with feet, which should be everyone's dream in life. When I am a sheep, I will have such nice and fun days. I will eat grass and hay, and I shall bleat. And it shall be good. And sheep are special because their plural has no 'S'. How many other nouns can claim that (besides fish and food and rice and hair.. okay a lot more.)?

In my sheep world, Sarah B will be a tiger (she first wanted to be a cow but I think a happy tiger would suit her better). She will be of the breed Slow moving. And she will not eat me, and we shall be best friends, and it will be good. We shall frolic in the green grass of New Zealand. I can wear a cute little sheep-y tudung.

So Sarah B can teach me how to make kitty sounds: the purr, the roar, the meow, and the mrrrrrrrrrrraaaawww. I shall teach her prancing, and motionless activity while attempting to look like a cloud (the art of multi-tasking). And it shall be good.

Update.

Thought of the day #1: I hate Leona Lewis

She sounds so God damn constipated

Thought of the day #2: I have a new obsession (and it involves another muscular man). Lmao. DUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEE if you claim to have seen a work of art, trust me, everything will pale in comparison to him.

Thought of the day #3: I still can't bloody stop eating and it's pissing me off. Why can't I just stop when I'm full? Noo, brain decides to malfunction. Ugh. Massive.

Thought of the day #4: I really need to get some work done.

Thought of the day #5: I love Sarah B.

Thought of the day #6: Muscular man recurs.

Thought of the day #7: I am rather enjoying this new gym membership I have taken up instead of Capoeira. My parents (especially mother) is not happy because you know la she is a mad woman and gets all worried when I exercise. But muscular man has something to do with my enjoyment.

Thought of the day #8: IL EST TRES BEAU!!!

Thought of the day #9: I shall stop thinking otherwise I might blow up.

Thought of the day #10: Hi God.

Thought of the day #11: It's me Sarah.

Thought of the day #12: =/

Thought of the day #13: I am a very naughty girl :(

Dress

Shoes

P.S:
I am wicked and deserve severe punishment.

:(






MASSSIVEEE

-.-

Holy Mama!!

Rafa had little trouble beating Nicolas Kiefer 6-3 6-2 in the final of the Rogers Cup today for his 29th straight match win. He leads the ATP with 61 matches won this year against only 7 losses.

So that's
- 30 titles
- 12 Masters Shields (one more than Pete Sampras)
- 7 titles this year (leads the ATP)
- 5 consecutive titles
- a major title on three different surfaces this year


UH HUH UH HUH UH HUH!!

(Stayed up till 3.45 this morning to finish watching it. Well worth it. He looked so freaking happpyyyyyyy)

And I can't bloody stop eating for some reason -_________________-

A Promise

Broken.

i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate




me

Yeah

I was right about spoiling Saturday

And I did it again today




So I spoilt tomorrow too




=(

Horrible

I just spoilt the whole of tomorrow



I feel so angry with myself



And every time I pray and swear not to do it again,

I always do.

I saw ( ) in my dream
I remember the details
But not the emotions
Just something that was fleetingly there
Was it possible that ( )
Wanted to speak to me?
But ( ) said nothing.
And so I

Kept silent too.

Note:

Because of its negatively-charged phosphate groups, DNA migrates toward the positive electrode (anode) when a direct current is applied. The smaller the fragment, the farther it migrates in the gel.

For the heck of it

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I take my coffee super strong and super black with no sugar or milk and I always ask the Starbucks person to add an extra shot.
2. I wake up at 6.00 a.m. everyday regardless of whether it is holidays, weekends or normal school days.
3. I want to run a half marathon before I turn 18 but time is running out so I don't think that's possible.
4. I am very obsessed with things I am obsessed about.
5. I am rude to my parents and I feel very guilty but I can't help it.
6. I have gotten first in my year ever since I was... 7. But now, some stupid idiot's changing all that (Grrrr!)
7. I HATE playing team sports. HATE IT.
8. I am in love with Rafael Nadal because he is perfect (modest, kind, funny, does not drink, etc, etc.)
9. My favourite number is 7.
10. For some reason I am skeptical about the real existence of emotions and I feel that they are just figments of our imagination which our mind convinces us we are feeling.
11. I eat a lot of fibre.
12. I enjoy making things with my hands such as cards and scrapbooks and artsy-schmartsy stuff.
13. I don't believe that Friday the 13th is a bad day. It's just another Friday which will be followed by Saturday. (Right.)
14. I think about ( ) a lot. And don't just assume it's a person.
15. I am losing control





HAR DE HAR. So there.. I've wasted approximately 9 minutes of my time which should have been better spent expanding my pathetic notes :

Polymerase Chain Reaction (PCR)

· Used in molecular biology

· DNA polymerase is used to amplify a piece of DNA by in vitro enzymatic replication

· The generated DNA is itself used as a template for replication

· Starts a chain reaction in which the DNA template is exponentially replicated

· Employ a heat-stable DNA polymerase, such as Taq polymerase, an enzyme originally isolated from the bacterium Thermus aquaticus.

· DNA polymerase enzymatically assembles DNA strands from nucleotides using single-stranded DNA as templates and DNA oligonucleotides (or DNA primers) needed for initiation.

· Thermal cycling is used (alternately heating and cooling) to a defined series of temperature steps.

· DNA melting: Physically separating the strands at high temperatures in a DNA double helix

· This is used as template in DNA synthesis at lower temperatures by DNA polymerase to selectively amplify target DNA.

· The selectivity results from the primers complementary to target DNA regions

Gel Electrophoresis

· Technique used for the separation of DNA, RNA and proteins by applying an electric current across a gel matrix.

· May be used as a preparatory process preceding PCR

· "Electrophoresis" refers to the electromotive force (EMF) that is used to move the molecules through the gel matrix. By placing the molecules in wells in the gel and applying an electric current, the molecules will move through the matrix at different rates, usually determined by mass, toward the positive anode if negatively charged or toward the negative cathode if positively charged

....Of which I will now continue...
À bientôt!

Oh ya before I forget:
I tag:

Liani
Qistina
Atiqah
Yasmin
Han Lyn
Gaik Lyn
Kylie
E-Quine
Jiun Mei
Amy


..What an odd assortment

Afterthought

For some reason I feel exceedingly fat

Monday afternoon

So I slept for 12 hours which is (a) the first I have done in a couple of years (b) a very bad thing
Slept at 2 something a.m. (no idea why)

I am progressively arrested at Exercise 24C.2 (Derivatives of Circular Functions and Related Rates) because I suddenly felt like blogging which is (b) a very bad thing.
I seriously have no idea what is happening to me - I honestly feel like I am losing control over the things I used to be able to control. From being unmovable and implacable I have been reduced to an emotional, pathetic sop. It has become apparent to me that beneath my robotic facade, this girl has feelings too. Wouldn't it be better just to not have feelings? It would make everything so much easier because 90% of the time, feelings are constituted of sadness and anger and hurt and disappointment. And even when the nice ones come it's not enough, never enough to undo all of the past that remains on the fringes to haunt. Tiring, no. Not a question, but a statement. I am a living testament of a burned out, over worked obsesser who pushes too hard and expects too much of herself and others. I know this and yet I am powerless to change. I want to dig a little hole and curl up and sleep for a long, long time (I will run in my dreams, and it will be good). Right now I don't want any colour and I want everything in black and white and shadows. I've discovered parts of myself I can't begin to comprehend what more appreciate and it is unsettling to mind and heart. I've discovered parts of others I can't begin to comprehend what more appreciate and I feel angry. Anger is a Gift.

Body clockwork ticking out of tune. Minutes fly by and then the seconds come slowly. Do you realise that there is no present because when I speak of present it has already become past. There is no way of pinpointing a definite now, a definite I-know-I-am-here-at-this-precise-moment because the instant you think that thought it's gone.
Self-deprecation is (c) a very good thing. Thus far I have managed to displace all my frustration and rage onto two of my toenails which are no longer toenails but messed up pieces of flesh and skin and cuticle.

I want to write like I used to write when all I did was muse and the words flew out like butterflies and I caught them with my piece of string. But now all the butterflies are dead and I think I've torn their wings.

I am a ghost with a skull that has empty sockets for eyes and I am a corpse that remains to haunt no one but myself and I am afraid of only myself and God's anger because I am a sinner





[shuts the door and
you shall hear no more]


















This is a very disturbing post

Oi

Hello.. I got through Sunday
Thanks to Liani, Kit, Niresh and.. possibly Beng Siang although I met him for the first time
They occupied my day!

6.00 a.m. - Breakfast
6.55 a.m. - Botanical Gardens, 15 km
9.00 a.m. - Morning tea, nap
12.00 a.m. - Lunch, read a book (Grapes of Wrath)
1.30 p.m. - Gurney
2.00 p.m. -People arrive, coffee (4 shots)
2.45 ish p.m. - Watch the wonderful beautiful Liani do her stunning Capoeira moves. I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO JOIN! ABS ABS ABS ABS yum

Walked around aimlessly
Discussed girls (and boys, although this was a waste of time)

And then.. Just as I was going back
DOUBLE WHAMMY

Aihhhhhhhhhhhh

I love my Liani
She makes me so happy
It's amazing how happy I feel just having her around
It's so comforting




The double whammy hurt though.



Came back
Swept dead leaves in garden
Cut the grass

Dinner

Watched 27 dresses

Here I am



This is me




Won't you take me?



(I'm not enough)

-_-

why does every morning
have to bleed
so much from
this broken heart

and the nights
are even worse






no one's story to tell
but mine.

(and i don't want to tell it)



Hope the world won't see me tomorrow

Old poem and then new poem

the candle still burns
throughout the cold days
reminding me of something lost
and words once said.
everything we knew
was gone in a second
and even a smile
won't help it mend.
i still can't explain it
how everything went away
and how i think of you
when i sleep and pray.
and when i cry
like there's no tomorrow
there're no tears in my eyes
only sorrow

2255 250605


i close the door
to the place where
everything threatens to spill out.
all those little feelings
that danced
around my head
and threaded my heart,
they're all gone now.

each little step i take,
away from this door,
that's holding all i know behind it -
my lips are spelling your name.
but there aren't enough letters
to carry me through.
so i'll have to leave you here
and go on alone.

each little move i make
is bringing me further away,
and so i close the door,

to you.

1057 pm
090808

Yeah this one's for you

You're such a God damn liar. I can't believe I fell for it all.

My soul laid bare!

Honestly
How could you?

Lies
Lies
Lies

.. and more lies

Stop trying to pretend
You said you didn't want to hurt me but by doing this you're hurting me even more

Love --> Anger --> Hate

Yeah.
And it's your fault.


I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT

BUT DEEP DOWN YOU'RE JUST AS UGLY AS THE REST OF THEM

STUPID
STUPID
STUPID

I can't stand it anymore

A Step

i took
a step
towards you,

away from me

the person i used to be.

and you have no idea
what it meant
to me
what it means still,
today,

i can unfailingly recall
every moment of it all.

i don't know why
i said what i did.
and even though the night has passed,
i still ponder every bit.

i can't tell
whether i'm sad
or

that elusive feeling
some call happiness.

i am really so tired
of

e
v
e
r
y
t
h
i
n
g

drained inside out
life fading

the only thing throbbing

is the pain

1430
060708

Stupid idiot

Stupid idiot is he
Always one step above me
Bloody babi.
:D




with these fingers i
press you close to my
chest.
marry you
to my body.
we are moving to the song
but only i sing along.
and if this voice of mine
could become lost,

then it has.

(in you)

tiptoe on through.

i won't hear you
even if i listen
closely.
because my ears
are so blind
to your whispers.

will you ever understand
how deeply i have fallen?
no hand upon the ledge,
to pull me over.

only daggers aimed directly
at my vulnerable
heart,

(i bleed)


1909
020708




Anyway today went out for lunch with the lovelies. I took lots of pictures which I shall be adding to my scrapbook.

Update you later cos I just finished my run and I'm all sweaty and smelly and blah blah