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My pace is so messed up! I feel like I am moving through treacle. The air is thick and hot and heavy. I don't even need to warm up. But the sweat feels good. And Malaysian wind is puny compared to Melbournian wind. Went for a nice run at Gardens this morning. The arches are horrendous. Insulting, really. Gardens feels really really small. I have no idea how I used to do my 20 rounds. I got so bored after 4. So it's back to the smell of longkang, old chinese ladies talking about the price of fish, and mosquitoes. And boys on motorbikes who act like they've never seen a girl before.

And everyone is saying I have put on weight!!!!!!!!!

Which is a good thing I suppose.

O WELL

little red

baby's shoe,

always wondered why it was there.

orange sky

like marmalade,

against black toast

(tombstone heads)

thinking about

nothing at all,

really

maybe the way

water squirts

under my shoe.

new shoe

(with neon pink laces)

i may look like

i am jogging but

i assure you sir

i am running sir

oh my god

get out of the way bitch

and you too,

owner-of-said-bitch

blocking my path

with your poo

i can smell

coffee and bread

from the house

across the street

i

wonder if

the little boy has woken up yet.

Homeward Bound

Had my last run in Melbourne today. Just let my legs lead me wherever they wanted to go. To all the people tucked in their warm blankets on a freezing Saturday winter morning with a good book and hot coffee... Fuck you. I admire your determination to stay in bed. If I had enough will power I could probably do it too. But when the feet want to pound pavement, ain't nothing you can do about that. Had the dark streets to myself. Passed the graveyard on Lygon. In pitch darkness I always love the feeling when I run past the graves. It is half fear and half exhilaration - the wind is always extra strong in this area and I keep visualising that it is the dead souls forming an invisible fence pushing me backwards. It is at once thrilling and frightening. Past the graveyard now and along Park Street. I never fail to notice that, dangling from one of those telephone lines, is a single baby's shoe. I wonder how it got there. It is bright red.

On my way home a rainbow appeared. And not one of those that end halfway in the sky, but a full rainbow. End to end. I won't say it gave me hope, because it didn't. I don't believe in that sort of crap. But I did appreciate it.

I am currently reading a book called "Things I've Been Silent About" by Azar Nafisi. It's one of those books that you can't help but hurry through eagerly because you want to know what happened and then you get close to the end and regret that you didn't take more time to enjoy it. The book is poignant and touching in some parts; melodramatic in others. I like it. It is my kind of book. She describes with personal detail the oppression of women in Iran during the Islamic Revolution, how her father was unjustly jailed, and the falling apart of her dysfunctional family. She is very beautiful.

In about 12 hours I will be on a plane. And that plane is going to take me back to the best place on Earth. In my opinion anyway.

Ask Yourself

Why am I doing this?

If you can't give yourself a good answer

then you probably shouldn't be doing it

(woman)

she is

the backbone

that bends so flexibly but

does not break, the

fragile thing that bears

more weight than he

could ever hope to carry,

she is

the contradiction in the

thinness of a seashell,

years have calcified her

apparent weakness into

stone

she is

what all other women secretly

want but are

ashamed to be,

because they are

preoccupied with the

art of self-painting

yet

all i see in his eyes is anger,

and all i see in hers is love

1358

230610

Poetry

Where has it gone? No longer seamlessly sewn; only jagged stitches now. Goddamn needle keeps pricking me.

pathetically mismatched and incoherent

i want my words back

Resurrection

I resurface...

Hello world