Mon anniversaire!

YAYY I'm 18 :D
But really, does it make a difference? I am the same person. And the whole concept of birthdays is rather.. overrated, no? Why can't the day I became a life be counted as more important? Birthdays are just.. when someone comes into the world, but we're kicking and breathing long before that.
Anyway enough of my jargon

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR TODAY <3 ME LOVE. A LOT. You guys mean so much to me and I'd be empty and alone and horrible without all of you.

Your presence, hugs, gifts and cards were absolutely lovely.




P.S.: To anyone who's thinking of watching Zohan, don't.

Today

My naivity astounds me

Conversations

Are you not afraid of me, little one?
As I rush at you, imposing:
Yet you gaze at me, imploring,
Your big, bright round eyes
So innocent and clear.
So untouched by the solemnity
That resides in the adult heart.
You are blessed because of your innocence,
Once you know what it is like to be human,
The more questions bring the more ignorance.
Child, in your heart,
You possess a form of transcendence
That I have lost in adulthood
And I continue to flounder,
Not knowing what is right or wrong.
Connections; severed.
Reverence, broken.
Am I coming to a sharp turn in the bend
Or a dead end?
Perhaps in the clarity of your eyes,
So sure of the security of your safe world,
I will find the answer.

1842 240808



Feet blur on gravel. I know the sounds of each house, the sight of each old man pruning the grass. I recognise the same song being played on the piano, it does not do Beethoven justice. I smell fat frying in a pan, the sizzle of flames. Why do I turn corners so fast? Where is all this anger coming from? Why is it every time I open my mouth what comes out is a scream? How do I articulate this perpetual feeling that burns searingly in my head?
8 minute mark. I turn the same corner. I see the same fence, the same coloured gate. In a world of such familiar things, where is the Thing that should be most familiar? I have lost It. I used to see it in flowers, in the salmon pink of sunset, as I lowered my head in prayer. Now I walk with my head held high, and when it touches the ground it is the world I am thinking of.
Wind flies through my hair. Is this is a sin? Can I tell you all my hopes and fears? Will you answer me? Please answer me. I feel so scared. Hold my heart in Your hand. I am forever Yours.

Sunday

1. Kinda pissed cos' I wanted to complete at least a 21 km run before I turned 18 and I still haven't done that. I have 6 days left and school's starting so I don't think I'll be able to do it. Missed my chance and now I have to live with it. :( Saddddddddddddddd. Not used to not doing what I plan.
2. This week's mileage was 53km which is ... sufficiently okay but it was spread out over one whole week. People run that in a span of a day. Makes me feel so damn inadequate.
3. __________ at _________ and _________
4. Need to do work :(
5. Not doing work :( :(
6. I love Life Breath by Prana.. Been listening to it over and over again. Right after I wake up and right before I go to bed.
7. Un tatou: An armadillo.
8. Yesterday forgot to mention that I received an extremely lovely birthday card from Amy Lee the wonderful devilish jewellery-making sexy missus. LOL thank you darling.
9. Review Exercise 30 yet to be done.
10. EE yet to be polished. Right now it's just fking drivel.
11. Bio yet to be read (PCR etc.)
12. Chem yet to be understood (chemical, acid-base and redox equilibria)
13. French vocabulary yet to be memorised
14. Psychology yet to be revised.
15. US Open starting tomorrow. Nadal-crazed nights recommence.

Saturday

Hello
Morning run.
Tutoring at CPS.
Scrapbooking at Smidapaper.
Starbucks (Americano).
Watched/watching Olympics.





What I should be doing:
Math/French/Chem/Bio practice
English chapter by chapter commentary for Grapes of Wrath
Psychology revision

What I did not do:
Everything I should have

Pulling at



hurting

what's mine


I


CAN'T


stop

.

HBT
RISH, EAH, IL.
BYAY, HMFI
AL.